Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
