I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
