I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
