he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
