When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize