Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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