the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
