Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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