I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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