Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
