Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
