I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
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Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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