i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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