i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
