theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
