I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
