new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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