I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
