In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
