Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
