So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
