they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
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I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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