the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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