went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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