An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize