so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
