Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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