why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
