Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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