Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
