mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
