First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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