Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
