windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
