i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
