god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
