You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
