We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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