Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
