i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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