the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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