its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
