If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
