I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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