I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
