youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
