I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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