Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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