last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
