so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
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