The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
