yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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