I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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