hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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