we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
