He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
