Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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