he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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