this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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