It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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