Betty ford says i'm here all night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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